Opportunities, Feb. 13th

Greg running, though without the needed training

I have been struggling lately with Fear of Missed Opportunities, known to some professionals as FOMO. I wonder whether I should take a job while in LA, if I should work part-time or full-time here for a few months or if I would miss out on too many interactions with friends who I might not see again for a couple years. Every decision to spend time with someone seems to cost something else, either stress on us from all the driving or missed opportunities for quality time with others. And then there is the ever-present concern that we are spending our 30’s in ways that we’ll regret in the future. No house, no kids, not much of a retirement plan. I really wrestled with God about some of these issues. But our calling as cross-cultural full-time missionary professionals has never been more clear. “But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them.” He reminded me from 2 Timothy 3:14. I have been so encouraged and challenged lately by the writings of Paul as he penned his heartfelt letters during his final imprisonment. “No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier. And also if anyone competes in athletics, he is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. The hardworking farmer must be first to partake of the crops.” (Tim 2:4-6). I always wondered at how Paul simply told Timothy that he should think on those sayings and then he would understand them. They seem so real to me now. I can’t live the way that so many Americans, and even so many Africans live. We’ve been called to dedicate ourselves wholeheartedly to Kingdom-building. I like the imagery of athletics, I can relate to it. Just like the soldier puts on the full armor, athletes stretch and sprint and train and lift weights, even their food and their social life is influenced so that they can run a race such that they could receive a prize. I have personally started thinking of prayer like stretching – helps stabilize you and prevent torn muscles. And I suppose this time of life is like a marathon, or a tempo part of a much longer run. Sure, with the aerobic activity comes a bit of pain, muscle fibers tearing down so that they can build up stronger. That’s the phase we’re in right now, I think. Nothing compared to Paul and the early Christians, but part of the great plan that connects us all in God’s service. There is no missed opportunity on this earth that could possibly compare to the ability to say, at the end, I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

Tension, Feb 4th

“And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19

My physician friend tells me that my back muscles are tighter than 97% of the patients he treats. I wasn’t surprised – I knew that my own shoulders were at least as tense as the patients who came to me for muscle spasms. Those patients I admonished to stop carrying heavy loads, to massage and stretch and maybe see PT. I feel like the yoga mat recently dug out of the shed along with our other belongings coming out of storage – dented in where it should be resilient and squishy, but I’m not sure why, it was just rolled up for 2 years. And I try to take care of myself, I really do, with strong matcha teas, stretching on the porch, essential oils from a friend, different tools for massage and helping release muscle tension. Recently I’ve felt a little shaky after stretching, and I wonder if it is because my body is held together largely by stress and tension, and ready to fall apart at its release. Or maybe it’s the strong teas, cup after cup, I’ve always been sensitive to caffeine. I have been trying to sleep as much as needed, though I keep waking up an hour or so earlier than I need to in the morning for some reason, so that turns into relaxing and productive time. Now I’m getting sick for the second time in a month and I didn’t even run in the cold rain this time. It’s a reminder to take care of myself, to sit in the warm indoors, nap, eat soup, and look at the cold drizzles outside. I’m no longer the put-your-body-through-anything college athlete of 12 years ago. My calling is a marathon, and I need to start equipping myself for resilience in the long-haul. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

Stillness, January 3rd

And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “peace! Be still!” and the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. He said to them, “why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith? – Mark 4:40

“For God alone O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him.” Psalm 62:5

I am learning about storms and calm. I think I do better in storms, times of crisis, times of business. Greg and I have both noted to each other that these quieter times are somewhat unsettling. We have no home, no work, no income. We feel a bit out of place wherever we go because we have been gone so long. It’s funny to me that the disciples seemed more afraid after Jesus calmed the storm than before. And it was when Paul’s traveling companions are without wind for several days that hey truly lose hope. I have seen great blessing during these days – just like Paul on the island of Malta after the storm, but it is still hard not to feel unsettled in the stillness.

But oh the blessings! Most recently, my friend set up her house so accommodating, five blankets on the bed, heater on max, her car to use, an electric blanket on the couch, piles of clothes for me to go through. Other friends I haven’t even seen yet have vehicles waiting for us to use. And just a few days ago in DC, we had the warmest, coziest room. And the wedding weekend made us feel like royalty with good food and drink and entertainment. It rained here and there, and it was all the nicer to be indoors when it was cold and wet outside. On Christmas Day two friends came and saw us and bought me delicious boba tea. o many people gave us blessings – an amazing meal, the best LA donuts, places to stay for one night or seven. It is true, we have been so spoiled in these weeks. It’s hard to be in a different time zone every few days. It’s rough to pack again and again. It’s hard trying to find healthy food, trying to stay as healthy as I encouraged my patients to be. We forget to take those last doxycycline tabs at times. We sigh a lot. We are so happy for internet and time to ourselves, but we miss our dogs and our own space. It’s weird calling people and not worrying about reception or time change.

There are still things on our shoulders, fundraising, insurance, setting up for the next phase of this seemingly endless travel. But there are also times to rest and relax, and that is nice day after day. Oh God, help us to be faithful in the stillness, in the time of others giving to us.