The Challenge of Rest

My 2 pm meeting was with a group of other missionary doctors. A few hours prior to the meeting, some of the group members messaged our group. “I can’t make it today,” one said, “I am the only one on the pediatric ward and we have 27 patients.” “I’m in the hospital all day” another said, “I’ll try to call in but I’m not sure how much time I’ll have.” I knew this was a group for supporting each other, for preventing burnout. Yet when I heard their messages, the first thing I could think was, Why am I not too busy for this meeting? How is it that I have time for this? Am I less of a doctor because I am working from home today and not overwhelmed with patients?

It truly had been a whirlwind of a day for me, waking up early to walk with a friend, returning to find our favorite pastor friends had come for a visit. The morning turned into a sequence of one thing after another: a quick teatime in our garden, then printing a workbook to help with women’s health in the village, discussing the progress of the last agriculture trainings, planning for the next trainings, discussing visions for the local church. I was writing reports and checking in on patients and getting ready for what would be another busy evening. At 1:30 I took a break to get ready for the meeting. It should have been a lunch break, but I opted to soak my sore back in the tub, read my Bible, do a quick meditation on Scripture, and wash my hair. I was barely in front of my computer and still munching assorted raw veggies (since I ended up not having time for lunch). It was tight timing, but I had given myself a little margin and made space for this time. I even knew that the discussion topic today was rest and sabbath. Yet I was feeling like less of a doctor, less of a missionary, because I had time for the meeting, and had even taken a 30 minute break prior to the meeting.

It was a great session. A doctor I admire talked to us about the cycle of works, how it is a formula for burnout if someone gets their worth from the things that they do. We talked about rest, why some doctors think they don’t need it and whether or not the fourth commandment applies to doctors. I even shared with the group how I sat with a doctor last Friday and asked her about her ideas on rest. “I’ll rest when the work is done” she sighed. I challenged her that maybe God was as pleased with her resting as with her working, and that maybe her high blood pressure was a sign that things were out of balance. Even in this group, I reminded them that rest is a discipline showing that even as doctors we don’t think that we are omnipotent, that we can set aside our tasks and rest in the fact that God controls outcomes, that we do not.

And yet during the meeting I was wanting to check my calendar and get ahead on projects and plans. Even during a meeting of missionary doctors about rest, I wanted to do more, prove that I was productive enough. Greg laughs sometimes that I am always talking about rest, and that my friends see me as an example of how to enjoy rest. But he sees me working 10-12 hour days and sometimes barely able to wind down by midnight. My closest friends know that I struggle with working too much about the same way that others struggle with drinking too much or eating too little. I’ve made some big improvements, even in the last year, set some important boundaries and found more balance. Like this week, I cut back my working hours to half-time by Thursday so that I wouldn’t go too far over on hours for the week. But I have to constantly remind myself when enough work is enough, I have to reward myself for leaving something undone at the end of the day and getting to bed on time.

So in some sense, I’m an unusual missionary doctor. I work flexible hours and do a lot of planning and programs so that I can make an impact on a lot of people without spinning my wheels all day. But I still have an anxiety about me, trying to prove that I’m doing enough, looking at what others are doing and trying to justify why I am just as busy as them or more productive than them. I know we need to improve our thinking as doctors, to be less focused on being heroes and more focused on being human. And as missionary doctors, we all need to embrace the idea that identity and acceptance comes from who we are and who we are loved by, and not on what we do. I think I’m learning it little by little. Even if I stress out about it when I look at my colleagues before and after a doctor’s meeting about rest.

June 2022 Details

A Bit about Us

Greg is legally blind in his right eye and relies on his left eye for most of his vision. Mid-month, he experienced severe pain and vision loss in his good eye after getting stuck in the eye by a rose bush. Christina was working from home that morning and able to provide first aid within minutes and get him to an eye clinic within an hour. He had a corneal abrasion – a shallow ulcer on the top of his eye that just missed the vision center. We praise God that Greg improved within just one day and is now back to normal. We are thankful for the prayers of protection and healing from our faithful friends.

In the Clinic

Christina is using emails and phone calls to help reduce the wait times for her days in clinic, and is working with a wonderful nonprofit team to start keeping digital medical records instead of relying on notes jotted down on papers which can be lost. She is looking forward to how better records will improve the way that she can monitor and advise patients over time, especially for their chronic diseases. This month had some particularly difficult days, a patient with symptoms concerning for breast cancer, 4-week old with severe jaundice (yellow eyes and skin) who probably had a medical condition, and an adolescent girl losing strength and sensation on one side of her body. Treatment of these patients has been difficult due to challenges in laboratory testing, imaging quality, and specialist availability. Through it all, there have been incredible cases of healing, times to glorify God for improvements, and chances to talk to patients about their life priorities. Please continue to pray for the patients Christina sees, for wisdom for her and healing for them.

In the Villages

This month, Greg, along with pastors we have been working with, attended a composting training with The Word Transforms group, and helped continue making plans for follow-up and mentorship in the Mphewa area.I am about halfway through a booklet on church-based women’s health trainings, and Thoko is planning for another teaching day for young women, deeper in the villages in July. Greg has encouraged two churches to send teams to a Worldview workshop next month, and generous donations have also allowed us to help support our local DS as he finishes coursework and takes certificate-level exams on Community Development and Public Health later this year.We continue looking forward to opportunities for pastors to help their communities by sharing good news, healing, and breaking

A Trip Back for Family and Conferences

We have been a bit more stressed than usual planning a trip back in the fall. We had intended a 2 month mini-furlough which has extended to a 3-month trip across 9 states for 4 conferences, 7 speaking events, and visiting family in 6 different regions. All our flights are one-way, connecting us to the next destination, and we have booked about half of the 12 necessary flights. Please pray for us as the planning has been more complicated and draining than usual. We would appreciate prayers for wisdom in timing and that this trip would be useful for connecting, sharing, and refreshing our own spirits and vision.

Drama in the Village

Dramas at the end of a training are definitely my favorite part of a day like this in the village. It’s one thing for a group of adolescent girls to listen respectfully during a presentation about how to stay healthy, and it’s always great when they ask important questions. But when the girls come together and bring the lessons to life, that’s when I know that the teachings will stick. Today, we spent the morning talking about why women get periods, how they get pregnant, and how they can stay safe from infections. Groups of girls walked from villages up to 2 hours away, invited by chiefs and escorted by mentors who accompanied them at the training and prepared a nice meal for them in the middle of the day. 150 young women were selected to attend today’s training, but in the end, 179 came. Most of the teaching and questions happened in the morning. Before lunch, Thoko and I divided the girls up into eight groups and assigned them topics for their dramas. When we came back from eating, that’s when the magic happened.

The first group’s topic is, “how to explain what you have learned here to a younger girl”. They set the stage in a family home. As a girl comes in after staying out late with boys, her mother reprimands her in front of her siblings. “You’re not a little girl anymore. Don’t you know you can get pregnant at any time?” The audience still giggles uncomfortably at the mention of periods and pregnancy, even though we’re in our seventh hour of discussing these personal issues. The next group prepares a skit with a group of girls talking about personal hygeine. One girl complains that she doesn’t have money for painkillers or pads while her friends group up around her. “Pads are for city women” her friend advises. “Here is what we use in the village.” Her other friends gather around and talk to her about ways to help with her bleeding and cramps, about exercise, drinking plenty of water, and using warm compresses. I love that these girls are acting out how they will be advising their friends and sisters in the future.

One group acts out an elaborate two-part story which starts with a girl running off from her friends to cling onto a guy. Later, the girl has to bring the guy to the clinic to discuss treatment for infections. A final group, tasked with the topic, “what to do if a man is bothering you,” brought the group to laughs and tears with a sketch about how a man (acted by one of the conference participants, she was wearing a long skirt but you could tell she was a man because of the way she sauntered around and talked with a low voice) tries to proposition a girl by offering her money. Her friends then come around her and tell her that they will help her if she needs money, but she shouldn’t risk her health and her future giving this man what he asks for. The group of girls then chase off the man together. The day ends on these lighthearted notes, as the girls show that they have internalized the teachings about their health and their value as women, and with a modeling of how they will spread the news and hopefully change some of the culture in their villages. But I know today is only a beginning. One of the women who broght girls from a village farther away says, “I’ve never heard these things discussed in church before.” She wants to hold a training next month in her own village; as a pastor’s wife she is starting to see how the church can help these women find value and community, rather than blaming them for conduct which probably wasn’t their idea in the first place. Thoko plans to build community needlework groups with these girls and their mentors, so that they can continue these important conversations and feel that they have a place to belong. I’ve been working to find ways to put these teachings into a Chichewa booklet from which any woman can teach, since I don’t want my physical presence to be the limiting factor for girls to get this training.

This month, please continue joining us in prayer for village trainings and their follow-up.

Thank you for your prayers and support, - Christina + Greg